The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
