3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
