the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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