can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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