I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
