sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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