If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Randomize
