Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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