I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
