now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
