please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
