I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
