North Korea, Best Korea!
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
