Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
