Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
my being single is dangerous.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
