Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
