break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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