Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
