Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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