There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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