yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
