I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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