exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
