ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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