All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
