she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
