There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
