Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
