Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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