Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
