You're my little dorito
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
