the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
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