I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
