dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
