it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
