Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
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