He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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