Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
