A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
