happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
