Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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