Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
did i walk over a car last night?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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