Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
