his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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