omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
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