I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
