Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
