It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
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