Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
