Duck Duck Cougar?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
