the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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