Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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